Inner Peace

I'm not dead.

2009-09-06T16:48:52Z

http://bonjouranderson.blogspot.com/
I've been blogging on blogspot since June now.
Check it out.
If anyone is even reading this still...

I'm done with blogging for a little while.

2009-03-19T21:37:27Z

i may be back. i may not. but if i'm not. i'd like to say ciao everyone.

this is bull fucking shit!

2009-03-01T21:57:02Z

how fucking hard is it westfield high school to put what lunch i have on my schedule?!?! and i have three fucking b+'s and two a's. not even one bit close to all a's. what college is going to accept me with these types of grades? no one will. i'll be living in some house in the suburbs of indiana forever. it's just not fair. everyone and everything always works against me. i can never get a break. i can't remember the last time i was happy with out something lurking in the back of my mind that ruined all of it.

new trimester

2009-02-28T03:18:44Z

fresh start. i need to patch up some things though. and i plan on making this trimester a good one.

no way down

2009-02-21T19:17:55Z

i really don't know how or where to start describing everything that's happened recently. it's not that anything traumatic has happened. it's just the fact that i haven't posted in such a long time. well driver's ed has taken so much of my time lately it's ridiculous. i need a break. and then with school it really doesn't help. finals are next week and i need to ace about every single one to complete my resolution of making all a honor roll for at least one trimester. after about a month of preparing and going to tutoring every saturday the core 40 retake is finally over. and i'm pretty sure that i passed. still along the lines of school... i'm ready to get finals week over with and move on to trimester three and finally finish up the rest of freshman year. but then of course that means new classes and a new lunch. which is always a little nerve wracking not knowing if anyone will be in there that i know. but these first two trimesters have been okay so i don't think next trimester's lunch should be too frightening. photography seems to have put itself on hold lately. whether it's because i'm too busy, don't have anything to photograph, or maybe i'm starting to losing my touch. and i really hope it's not the last one. i was thinking of doing this thing like i saw on flickr where someone took one picture each day for forty days straight. i thought something like that would be cool. get me back into my art. but it will have to wait until the end of driver's considering some days i don't get home till seven.

back to present time... this morning has been pretty stressful. probably karma for everything i've done wrong this week. but like i said i'm just ready to get the rest of this trimester over with. and for spring break. spring break sounds very nice right now. oh! and i will be attending the killers concert at the murat in may so i'm totally stoked about that. see what i'm saying? third trimester is going to be amazing.

life’s about film stars and less about mothers...

2009-02-09T02:28:59Z

it’s all about fast cars and passing each other.

the weather: hopefully will warm up for me tomorrow
the plans: are to go to sleep in a little while
the job: is non-existent
the religion: is not of major concern at the moment
the movies: have not been seen in a while
the chores: will hopefully be forgotten
the homework: is put on hold
the only thing stopping me from reaching bliss: i want tech and gym to be over which means a new trimester which i might not have lunch with friends next trimester which makes me wish for summer but summer means getting a job if i want a car which means work which i don't enjoy...

my heart is yearning...

2009-02-02T20:19:21Z

but paris is burning.

life is a little confusing at the moment. i don't know if i'm liable to write exactly what happened but it's got me thinking. hopefully school will keep my mind off of things. my confidence is starting to dwindle once again. i don't know what caused it but it's fleeting fast. on the bright side i just realized that i only one more month of freshman year gym. and thank fucking god. i'm so done with it. lately i've been meeting more people from myspace trains. they're nice. polite. accepting. and my conversations with them just verifies that i'm not meant to live in indiana. i talked to anna last night and she helped me confirm that next to photography i would like to work with preserving the environment and conservation. maybe something along the lines of a non for profit. i need money for new clothes. it has to do with the confidence thing. nothing in my closet i feel is up to par. so hopefully i'll find a way to get a lot fast. and i want my spin magazine to get here. they have an interview with brandon flowers and i'm getting impatient. more posts soon. ciao.

screen name - anderson_m

one journey for you but it's worth it...

2009-02-01T14:04:59Z

one life here with me and it's magic.

i made a twitter a few days ago. i really like it too. i don't why. i suppose i'm just easily amused. so coco woke me up this morning by lying outside my door and whining and scraping the wood. but it was cute cause when i opened the door she was all happy and excited. either way i'm up way to early. and once i'm awake i can't get back to sleep. well that's it. it was a small update but one none the less. see you all later. ciao.

dry my eyes so you won't know...

2009-01-28T11:27:40Z

dry my eyes so i won't show.

this sucks. a snow day is usually a good thing. but today it's not considering i woke up at five. finished getting ready. did all of my homework last night. and am basically ready to walk out the door to go to school only to find that... i don't have school today! well i'd of liked to have known before i woke up. also still waiting for kat von d's book. i want to read it so badly.

control yourself...

2009-01-24T17:55:09Z

take only what you need from it.

wow it's been a while since i last posted. i think i might get a paid account for this. but then again i don't know. my parents might want to see what they would be paying for and this isn't really something i want them to see. but i would love to have different icons for my entries instead of just being limited to two. anyways... went to the bmv today to get my driver's permit even though i turn sixteen in march. we also went to barnes and noble this morning so i got a photography magazine and ordered kat von d's new autobiography. it should be interesting. she seems like a very philosophical person. so last week i washed my phone. and this is the second time i've done something like that. but luckily we have insurance so i got another one. but i'm pretty sure it's been refurbished because the keyboard doesn't light up completely and the vibrate is loud enough for a whole room to hear. but it's a phone so i'm not complaining. other than that i don't believe anything else is really going on. i'm just ready for summer. and we might be going to key west for spring break so that should be exciting. well that's all for now. i'll try to post sooner. ciao.

all my days they end too slow...

2009-01-16T19:13:00Z

and i wonder where i've left to go.

i told the truth. i spoke from the heart. and it may have been harsh. but now that they're gone i can move on. close that chapter of my life. and try to achieve felicity.

you get mistaken for strangers by your own friends...

2009-01-11T03:30:28Z

when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery citibank lights.

the national is one of those bands that make everything right no matter how bad it is. the lead singer's voice is deep but that makes the song so much more peaceful. i don't know why i find so much comfort in it but i do.

i wish i could rant for hours about everything new in my life, considering i haven't posted in days. but i can't. life is pretty boring. school's been a pain this week. to much homework. and i'm also still craving a relationship. but next weekend should be better. my dad and i are driving down to bloomington to shop at urban outfitter's. and most likely go to other places throughout the day. so at least it'll be something to do. guess that's it... updates later i suppose. ciao.

doesn't it seem like...

2009-01-01T18:48:09Z

new year's day is more of a celebration then new year's eve? it's like a mini rebirth. a good point in life to make amends and start over. try to follow your resolutions. and develop and learn from the year before. and as i've said i have a good feeling about this year. what will come of it and how everything will play out. well my posts may not be as exciting now that the holiday season is over. but i'll still keep you updated. ciao

as the clock strikes twelve...

2009-01-01T03:59:35Z

well 2008 is almost over. i guess i should be saying what a year. because even though i've come to loath this year and the bad things that have happened.. just as many have been great and shaped who i am.

so starting at the beginning of the year i finished up my last year of middle school. met some great people and realized who my true friends were. i lost my dog samantha after having her for eleven years. but she'll always be in my heart. she taught me that everything happens for a reason and no matter how bad life gets it goes on. started tutoring and continued that throughout the summer. got our new dog coco chanel whom i love dearly. met rachael who showed me that i don't need to rely on others for my happiness. feel in love. and fell out of love realizing it was infatuation (possibly on both ends). spent long nights talking to people i can never talk to in person. went to chicago and had the time of my life. went to michigan and regretted the whole trip. better luck next year. took photography classes at the ima. had anxiety about starting high school. started high school. no more anxiety. met some new people. realized that people had moved on. crushed on someone. and then crushed again. met sidney and went to an awesome halloween party. actually got interested in the elections. finished up the year with a great christmas. and throughout all of these events listened to indie music. watched reality tv. used facebook. and edited my myspace profile while drinking fuze and coffee.

so i guess reading this i realize maybe it wasn't so bad. i mean of course that's not everything. but i still have a feeling everything will be better next year. and i'm determined to keep my resolutions.

i dreamed of a white christmas...

2008-12-25T11:43:07Z

but i see that wasn't enough considering there's no snow :/

so this morning has been good so far other than the fact that my dad got a little stressed trying to get my brothers new computer to hook up with the internet. but oh well. it happens every year someone gets something that has to do with technology and he ends up fixing it. anyways... i got my camera :) so i'm very happy about that. and it's so cool looking. i almost want to say it's beautiful. lol. and i also got an ed hardy shirt that i'm wearing as i type this. and my zen page a day calender (all will be recycled to keep with my resolution) um... a starbucks gift card :) my class ring (which is a little disappointing considering the stone is loose but i'll get it fixed at moyers) and that's it from my family. but from my extended family i got homemade candy canes which were really good and gone by the time i got home last night. a photography book on lighting. my day and age cd that i have been waiting so anxiously for. and cash. which is always greatly appreciated. so all and all today has been good. but it's just i have this feeling and i can't pinpoint what it is. like one thing keeping me from being overjoyed on this holiday. but i'll try and suppress it to keep with the holiday spirit. i think i'll get back to getting ready now. going to see family. so i hope everyone that reads my blog (which is like what.. three? lol) has a very merry christmas :)

new year's resolutions early

2008-12-23T19:15:35Z

so i wanted to start writing some down so i don't forget. if i ever succeed in completing one of these i'll have an update about it for you. also this isn't final. i may end up adding more. but it will be final by the first of the year of course.

become more environmentally friendly

make all "a" honor roll for at least one trimester

give back

go to new york city

get my driver's license

paint my room

the story behind the icons

2008-12-19T21:52:36Z

the title of my journal is inner peace. because it's the thing i struggle for constantly in daily life. these two images portray inner peace when i look at them. they're simple. they're for what they are but there can be a story or meaning behind them. you can say they're "gay" or "girly" but i don't care. this is my journal. i'll do with it what i please. if you don't like it you're more than welcome to navigate away from this page.

this isn't fair

2008-12-17T02:48:15Z

elaine didn't make tech for the musical and now i'm going to be on production crew with a bunch of annoying naive freshman and no one to keep me occupied. ugh. shoot me?

and i was your silver lining...

2008-12-12T00:41:34Z

as the story goes.

i'm really not in the mood to go to school tomorrow. but as usual i'm just tired so my emotions are getting the best of me. i know because two nights ago i got more sleep than usual and i felt like the whole day ran perfectly.

once again i'm crushing on someone. which is like the fourth person this year? i mean i'm not a man whore. lmao. it's just usually i base too much on looks and i barley even know them. and this is one of those ones that i know isn't going to go anywhere. but hey a guy can hope. lol.

out of no where lately i've been feeling nostalgic. like i wish that i was who i am now but make it last year. i've met a lot of cool people so far this year but a part of me wants all of my old friends back. honestly i think this year i have 4 - 5 really good friends =/. and that everyone has moved on except me. and i hate it. i need to be more social. i need to feel as confident as i did last year and i have no idea what's holding me back. i really just need a hug. lmao. and not a "hey how's it going" hug but an "anderson i love you and i'm here for you. everything is going to be okay" hug. well i think that's good for now. if you're online talk to me. i'm fairly bored.

i have a feeling...

2008-12-09T00:12:22Z

that these next two weeks are going to be more like two months.

a philosophical moment

2008-12-05T00:12:03Z

i think in life our meaning is to find our ourselves. to reach our goal. and when you've done that and you're happy it doesn't matter what happens. because you've been fulfilled. you're destiny has been fulfilled. and death isn't scary. even if that happens when you're young. i hope if i die no matter what age it's because i've found my inner peace. and i learn to love myself without relying on others. because when i do i'll know it's my time. and someone else will follow my example and live to find themselves. and the cycle may repeat. because death shouldn't ever be scary. we should embrace it. know that we need to live our lives to the absolute fullest or we'll never live. we'll never experience what god or whatever else created this earth has given us.

lower your eyelids to die with the sun

2008-12-04T22:33:08Z

i want to start over. my life is not what i wanted it to be. i wish i was a straight a student. i wish i didn't have to spend time making myself you look good before i went out. i wish i wasn't so lazy. i wish i loved myself completely. i wish i wasn't so confused. i wish life wasn't so confusing. i wish i was more outgoing. i wish i wasn't a jerk. i wish people didn't hate me. i wish i never had met you. i wish i was famous. i wish i had an ah ha moment to make everything clear. i wish i was old enough to move out of this town. i wish i was as mature as i am when things get serious all the time. i wish i wasn't a freshman. i wish gym wasn't first period. i wish itunes would let me buy one song without having to buy the whole album. i wish i had the ideal body. i wish i was more friendly. i wish i didn't have to keep secrets. i wish i wasn't so easily distracted. i wish i wasn't so easily persuaded. i wish i wasn't a disappointment. i wish i had my own place in the city to find myself and finally have some quiet. i wish it was christmas. i wish i could go back to chicago...

well my mom is home and i'm totally out of my ranting mood. my god the dogs are so damn loud. i have to go. by the way i have to say even though i'm not into britney spears at all her documentary was truly amazing. you should watch it if you have the time.

now cinderella don't you go to sleep...

2008-11-26T21:03:20Z

it's such a bitter form of refuge.

i have the day off today. so far i've watched mtv and vh1. cleaned my room. got the house ready for tomorrow. and posted on the socialvibe forums. fun stuff. um... well this is new. i have nothing to write about. oh yes i've done a very nice job of procrastinating so far this trimester. i have no idea what's causing it either. but i need to get out of this little rut or i'm screwed. yeah i think that's all. why did i even bother writing this?

before the worst...

2008-11-24T01:36:39Z

before we met.

two days of school this week. personally i find it pointless considering most of my teachers don't even have anything planned. i'm trying to convince my mom that i need a mental day and she'll be like "well you only have to go two days" .... like that's the whole reason why i want to take my mental day THIS week. but whatever.

lately my dad has been going into college mode even more than usual (considering he works in admissions). and it's gotten me all stressed out over my photos. and i feel like there are so many people out there who want to be photographers. i'm just another hopeless teen. i need connections. i need a new camera. i need more photo opportunities. i need better photo editing software. i need someone to tech me how to use the software to my advantage. and i need overall advice. then i'll be satisfied with myself and feel like i can actually have a chance at making it. until then i'll be sulking and staring and editing the same photos over and over again. just to make myself feel like i can make it. even though right now my dream seems pretty bleak.

it's snowing

2008-11-20T21:10:06Z

well at least it was when i left school. it was really peaceful actually. and when i came home everything was so quiet... i don't know. i just wish every day ended like that.

elaine and i are going to the call out meeting to be on tech crew for the musical. it's like the only thing we would both be willing to do and i think i need something to keep my mind off of things. i don't have any homework today either so i'm pretty bored. but yeah i guess that's it for now. oh wait. life sucks and my phone was cheaper online so i'm waiting for it to ship here. and it was a lot more because verizon employees are big liars that tell you your discount is november 18 when it's really not till SEPTEMBER OF NEXT YEAR. how they ever got that mixed up i'll never know. but i'm getting really annoyed. anyways...